There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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