I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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