he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
