What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
