you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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