Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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