no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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