just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
