my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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