Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
