Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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