I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
