i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize