I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
