My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize