Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
