Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
