dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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