omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
