Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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