the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
