Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you would pick up someone in the library
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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