You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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