One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
