Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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