Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my shit smells like andre
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
