I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
