I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just tell him i said nine months
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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