No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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