the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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