This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
