question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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