he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
