found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
