Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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