**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
