I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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