don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
