Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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