She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
