I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
