The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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