I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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