Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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