how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
