I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
