I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drake has all the answers
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
