Your face is a jimmy john
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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