I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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