I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
