can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Houston, we have a squirter
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
