$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
