I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
