If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
