You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
