Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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