But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
