I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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