if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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