Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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