Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
