I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
