i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize