Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
