please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
